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“I Could’ve Stopped the Israel-Iran War If They Had Just Given Me the Peace Prize!”
Satirical Article | 1000+ Words
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While the world watches in horror as missiles rain down between Israel and Iran, one man sits in his golden chair at Mar-a-Lago, clutching a Diet Coke with trembling hands, whispering into the void:
> “If only they had given me the Nobel Peace Prize… none of this would’ve happened.”
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Donald J. Trump—the man who once offered to buy Greenland, stared at solar eclipses with naked eyes, and suggested injecting bleach—believes the solution to the Israel-Iran conflict was simple:
Give him the Nobel.
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🎖️ The Nobel That Never Was
Ever since former U.S. President Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize in 2009, Trump has carried a deep, orange-colored grudge in his heart.
“I did more for peace than any president in history,” Trump once declared, proudly listing off his "historic" achievements like:
Sending love letters to North Korea’s Kim Jong-un,
Announcing U.S. troop withdrawals, then not following through,
Taking selfies with dictators,
Hosting Jared Kushner in the White House without adult supervision,
And of course, brokering the Abraham Accords, which normalized relations between Israel and... countries that weren’t even at war.
Naturally, Trump thought the Nobel Committee would roll out the red carpet, maybe even rename the award after him: “The Donald J. Trump World Peace and Tremendous Leadership Medal.”
But no. The committee didn’t even send a thank-you card.
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😢 Israel and Iran Are Fighting, and Trump Is Crying
Now, as tensions between Israel and Iran escalate, Trump is convinced this war is not just a tragedy—it’s a personal insult.
> “This is what happens when you ignore me. I had peace. Total peace. I told Iran, ‘Don’t mess around,’ and they listened. They were scared of me. They loved me. Ask anyone.”
According to sources (mostly himself), Trump believes that had he won re-election—or better, the Nobel—he would’ve flown to Tehran personally, shirtless, like Putin, riding an American bald eagle with a Big Mac in hand, and brokered peace by simply yelling, “Cut it out!”
He claims Iran respected him. Why? Because he tweeted in all caps.
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📢 “NOBODY WANTS WAR... EXCEPT MAYBE BIDEN”
Trump has found a new way to blame the current Israel-Iran crisis on President Joe Biden. At a recent rally in a half-filled warehouse in Florida, Trump declared:
> “When I was president, there were no wars! Iran was quiet, Israel was safe, Kim was sending me birthday cards, and Putin was just playing chess. Now look! Chaos!”
He went on to accuse the Nobel Peace Prize Committee of being part of the “deep state,” claiming:
> “They’re Norwegian. Very suspicious. I heard one of them once said ‘covfefe’ under their breath. Disgraceful!”
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💬 Trump’s Nobel Peace Prize Application (That No One Asked For)
Sources reveal that in 2020, Trump allegedly tried to nominate himself for the Nobel Peace Prize. When asked who submitted the nomination, he reportedly said:
> “Me. Who knows me better than me?”
He even drafted an acceptance speech in advance. A leaked excerpt reads:
> “Thank you to the Nobel people. You are very smart, very classy people for finally realizing that peace follows me everywhere. I bring peace, like a dove—only more powerful, more muscular. I’m the best peacemaker in history. Better than Jesus. And more popular, too, some say!”
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📺 Fox News and the “Nobel Conspiracy”
Over on Fox News, primetime hosts are now launching investigations into why Trump was “robbed” of the Nobel.
Tucker Carlson (from a secret bunker) claimed, “The Nobel Committee is clearly biased against alpha males who tan naturally and love America.”
Sean Hannity dedicated a full segment titled: “Trump Brought Peace, Biden Brought Missiles.”
Even Newsmax chimed in with a poll asking viewers:
“Should Trump receive the Nobel Peace Prize retroactively and a free bucket of KFC?”
Result: 97% Yes, 3% vegetarians.
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🐦 Meanwhile on Truth Social...
Trump took to Truth Social (a platform used by loyalists and 14 bored Russians) to post a series of explosive updates:
> ❝ I WAS THE BEST PEACE PRESIDENT IN HISTORY!!! NOBEL COMMITTEE IS A JOKE! SAD! ❞
❝ IF I HAD THE NOBEL, IRAN WOULD BE HOSTING A MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT RIGHT NOW! ❞
❝ BIDEN’S FOREIGN POLICY IS JUST A GPS WITHOUT SIGNAL. ❞
❝ OBAMA GOT A PRIZE FOR DOING NOTHING. I DID EVERYTHING AND GOT IGNORED. ❞
His final post read:
> “If war breaks out, remember—this is the Nobel Committee’s fault. I could’ve fixed it over a golf game.”
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🎯 The Real Tragedy: The World Missed Trump’s Peace Tour
Insiders claim that Trump had big plans for peace summits—featuring live entertainment, Ivanka as goodwill ambassador, and a $1,000 ticketed entry for the public.
He even suggested holding the Israel-Iran Peace Deal signing at one of his hotels, preferably the one with the gold toilet, for that “presidential feel.”
> “Peace tastes better in a Trump hotel,” he reportedly said. “And so does steak. Medium well, just like diplomacy.”
But alas, the world moved on without him. Biden took over, diplomacy got boring, and missiles started flying.
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🧠 Final Thoughts: When the War Isn’t About Missiles, but Medals
As cities burn, civilians flee, and the world faces another dangerous chapter in the Middle East, somewhere in Palm Beach, a 78-year-old man is refreshing his notifications, wondering:
> “Why don’t they love me? I gave the world so much peace… and Big Macs.”
Trump’s sadness isn’t about the war. It’s about the stage he lost. The applause that faded. The medal that never came.
Because in his mind, world peace was only one photo op away.
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🕊️ Disclaimer (For Sanity’s Sake):
This is satire. War is tragic. Civilians suffer the most. And while world leaders argue and missiles fly, the absurdity of political ego remains a painful truth. Trump didn’t cause
or solve peace, but he sure does know how to make it all about him.
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